The Unsocial Network

Here's a fact to scare you:

A survey in the UK just found that more than a third of divorce filings in 2011 contained the word "Facebook".
And that's just the beginning:

And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

And before we go further, can we comment on the fact that there's such a thing as "The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers"?

"I'd like to thank the Academy..." What do they call their annual awards dinner? The Irreconcilabillies?

Anyway...



In the SmartMoney article, which you can read here, the majority of the reasons given for Facebook's contribution to our divorce rate are a combination of the fact that facebook-based affairs apparently happen very quickly and the fact that people don't guard their privacy the way perhaps they should.

In other words, if Mary and I were arguing and I was stupid enough to post something about it on Facebook, some old flame might see it and contact me and then I'd be tempted to meet her for dinner where I'd "Check in"  at the restaurant (on a totally unrelated note, what is that? I mean, really, what is that? Why am I supposed to know that you're at the Grand Junction YMCA?), and then we'd run into Johnny Facebook who would take a photo and tag us in it, and then...

Oh, you know what? It would still be cheating.

Or, if a friend from High School posted some sort of x-year-old picture of me hanging out on a beach in France, and Mary saw how geeky I was in those giant sunglasses with that head that hadn't caught up proportionately to the size of my nose... . Which, of course, is a totally hypothetical scenario. But if she saw this photo of this scrawny guy on this beach with European sunbathing going on, and she thought I was so hideous she never wanted to see me again...

Frankly, I don't necessarily dislike facebook. I love connecting with friends who live in different cities and do different things. People I care about and don't get to see as often as I'd like. And yes, I should call them. But I'd only ever be able to keep up with, at best, a dozen or so through the phone and mail. So I appreciate that I can log on and, hey! There's Andy from Charleston.

But I do think we have to remember... though this is fine for what it is, it isn't actually communication. I mean... what, really, are we going to share in 140 characters? At this time of year, I notice how many of my friends are political. And I can't help but wonder, when they post their political memes, "do you really think you're engaging anyone by doing this? Do you really think you're going to convert anyone to your side? Wouldn't it be better if you grabbed a friend and a cup of coffee, sat down, and you could each share your views?"

So too with our relationships. If we're turning away from our spouse and towards our 786 friends... or if we're concerned about a wall post and we don't actually have a conversation about it... then the age of communication is anything but.

-Pat